When we were small, we had no choice than to let our parents or guardians take care of us the best way that they can. We might not be aware of their upbringing when we were still unconscious but as we begin to mature, we begin to feel insecure because that’s the time when we compare ourselves to others.
At one point, a potential suitor whom I was very much attracted to cancelled his plans to court me upon knowing my family background. But it wasn’t only in this instance when I got rejected by a guy. Way back in high school, my best friend with Spanish ancestry suddenly avoided me for no reason. When I asked why she said it has something to do with my being a Filipino particularly my father’s passion to write about the proletariat. It really broke my heart that she started snubbing me but later on she couldn’t help it. She said I was the best friend she ever had. I agreed with her at first but when she started looking down at me in spite of the reconciliation, it didn’t matter anymore if she was still my best friend. She got popular in school because she was always elected as the class’ muse while I could only be nominated. Deep inside, I resented her and wished she would stop being obsessed that she’s pretty and telling me that I’m ugly just because she had Spanish features while I looked very Asian.
Neither me nor my best friend added each other on Facebook. I guess she is very happily married right now to her lawyer-husband. And I guess she is no longer that vain person I used to know because her husband and raising a family taught her humility. But believe it or not, I’m not jealous of her because I know how to count my blessings. With regards to the potential suitor I had in college on the other hand, I don’t think we could have a long term relationship in the beginning unless he would voluntary send me to a home care centre in order to be treated of my bipolar disorder. It really broke my heart when he rejected me and the worst thing was that I was not even sure if I got rejected and that’s because he was sending confusing signals that could either mean he liked me back or he was disgusted with me. I didn’t have the guts to ask him the real score.
At one point, I did wish I could trade off parents. However, my Mom wrote me a letter one day that expressed she was trying her best to be a good parent and she was sorry if she failed to meet my expectations. It wasn’t written exactly that way but I later realised it conveyed that message. But come to think of it, she did more than enough. I should be thankful she did her best to send me to a home care centre and until now she shoulders my medications. I shouldn’t give all the credit to myself for changing. I would not be this person I am today if it were not for her financial assistance.
On the other hand, I’m also grateful to my father for being overprotective. I did not understand why he was being strict on guys who tried to approach me. I was being self-centred at that time, proof were the articles I wrote all about myself without consideration of what others felt. My reasoning was that I wanted a boyfriend and I would fight for it at all cost. What I didn’t realise was that he was looking after my welfare.
Some people think that my parent(s) are still being overprotective even when I’m beyond the legal age. But I rather not listen to them. I know my parents only want the best for me. And so now, I couldn’t care less if I have no suitors. I’d rather be with people who provide me with moral support than a guy who would dupe me in the end. You want to be my boyfriend? Accept my non-negotiable challenge and battery of tests. Take it or leave it.
I didn’t appreciate my parents nor my family this way when I was small. After all, I wore hand me down clothes from the eldest sister and I never had the chance to ride an airplane or ship. But you know, we all make mistakes. I made mistakes before I was treated of my disorder and I still do after treatment. Learning is a continuing process. We are not exempted from making mistakes. That’s how life is. But I somehow learned to be prudent now.
I know I did much of the self-discovery on my own which is why I try to counsel people in anyway I can to help them make better decisions in life. You may not be aware of it but there are people who might be helping you in one way or another. You are just consumed with your own thoughts that you are very unlucky when the truth is nobody should be blamed other than yourself and you should start doing something about it realistically.
Nobody among us is perfect. We just have to accept the way things are and live with it. And yes, it truly helps when you become more than enough appreciative of your blessings.
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